Fatty Mcgee by Adam Sandler

Performed by adam sandler, david spade, tim herlihy, steve koren, and tim meadows

[typical library sounds, squeekin chairs/doors]

[talking quietly]
M1: "ms. murphy is such a pain, man."
M2: "we just had a test a week ago. now we gotta take another one tommorrow. this sucks!"
M1: "and it counts for 80 percent of our grade."
M2: "well we better study our butts off."
M1: "well we came to the right place, the ever so quiet library."
M2: "ok, enough talking, let's study!"
M1: "all right."
[turning pages]

[heavy steps]
M2: "uh oh"
M1: "oh no! fatty mcgee is coming. we'll never get any studying done with him in the library."
[heavy steps continue]
M2: "oh god, he's taking the stairs! that means he's going to be way out of breath!"

[fatty whining, try to catch breath]
M1: "oh no, he's going to sit with us."
Fatty: [annoying whining voice] "hey fellas, studying for the big test?"
M1: "uh, yes fatty, we were."
Fatty: [still trying to catch breath] "great! i'll join ya."
[fatty pulls out chair and falls into it, still whining horribly]
M2: "hey fatty, why don't you go to the bathroom 'till you catch your breath?"
Fatty: "no, no, i'm catching it!"
[fatty continuing to whine and snort]
M1: "ok, ok fatty, but try to keep the wheezing level down, we're trying to concentrate."
Fatty: [continuing to wheeze and whine louder] "sure, no problem."
M1: "oh man."
Fatty: [still snorting and whining loudly] "this test counts for eighty percent of our grade, you know."
[whining continues even louder]
M1: "yes fatty, we know, we just said that."
[wheezing continues a little softer]
M2: "fatty! please keep it down!"

[fatty makes snoring/whining sounds]

M2: "is he sleeping!?"
M1: "no, it's his deviated sceptum. seriously fatty, keep the breathing down." [snoring stops, more weird noise starts]
M2: "ahh geez fatty, what's wrong with you!?"
Fatty: [pausing, snorting] "i'm trying."
[whining continues]
M1: "fatty, you know what's going to happen! stop breathing so heavy! please we gotta study!"
[whining gets higher and higher until it's continuous]
M2: "oh no, that one's going to do it!"

[fire alarm sounding, fire trucks honking their horns, sirens reeling]
M2: "fatty, the fire department thinks the fire alarm went off again!"
Fatty: [continuing his loud annoying whine] "i'm sorry!"
Fireman ray: "fire! man the building!"
M1: "sorry fireman ray, it's not the fire alarm."
Fireman ray: "fatty mcgee, is that you again!?"
Fatty: [stillin whining annoyingly] "yes." [snort] "sorry." [snort]
Fireman ray: "didn't we tell you not to take the stairs anymore!?"
Fatty: [whiney voice] "but i like the stairs!"
Fireman ray: [annoyed] "why!?"
Fatty: [still whining horribly] "they're fun!"
Fireman ray: "oh fatty mcgee, you're the fattest!"
[everyone laughing at stupid joke]
[raspberry]