Smile 4 Me by Amil

is it a blessin' to live or a blessin' to die?
Let me finish off this hell with no questions why
I should be happy i'm on and i'm dressed in fly but is the game changing me for
The extra pie?
If you could just look into the life i live
360 catching up on all the trife i did
Got my peoples up north trynna slice the bids
While i'm in love with a nigga with a wife and kid
Maybe if my pops aint abondend me
I wouldn't let so many niggas take advantage of me
Using me
Some even put their hands on me
I wonder what the most high god planned for me
My life line gettin' shorter when i look at my palms
Will i be notin' like my biological moms
She aint raised me so naturally i never felt the bond
At 16 got my ged never saw a prom

Chorus: i've been weak and i've been strong
Been through the fire ive'been through the storms
I try to do right and i know i do wrong
Just be happy for me when my life is gone
No more hurt and no more tears
The'll be no more pain and no more fears
No more people in my face that's
Not sincere so
Smile for me when i'm no longer here

At a younge age i let the world turn me out
Pellets and purple haze been burnt me out
A hardknock life was i learned about
Trynna ease the only thing i be concerned about
Tellin' my youth everything happen for a reason
Let them know it aint daddy's fault the moneys be leavin'
If it wasn't for the streets he'd still be breathin;
Trynna raise him by myself but i know he need him
Me and my seed used to live for mostly welfare
Only two checks a month for us both to share
I remember makin' sure that the cost was clear so i could boost us
Some mother fuckin' clothes to wear
Had to hustle cuz those food stamps just wasn't enough
Up state back to ? gotta throw me up
All this fast cash only turned the heat up
Can't afford to get knocked but who gonna feed us?

Chorus

Can't shake these thoughts of suicide
Anyone i ever loved though was close to die
Ones i trusted or though was being true, lied
A life time of tears but just a few i cried
Try to take my past and stick it up on the shelf
Will my actions stay from all the pain i felt
Just trynna make the best out the hand i delt
If i fall who can i turn to for help
Is my man with me and not my wealth
Will he be there through good and bad sickness and health
Does he want the real me or somebody else?
I've been ? just so i don't hurt myself
Now that i'm on
Most can't stand me now
But they was happy when i rocked all them hand me downs
When i need 'em funny how they can't be found
That's why the most high's my only family now

Chorus