The Buffoon And The Valedictorian by Adam Sandler

Performed by adam sandler and jennifer lien


"and now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian."

Valedictorian: "i really appreciate you're asking me out. most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement."

Buffoon: "this movie sucks shit!"

Valedictorian: "well, ebel gave it thumbs up, but ciscel thought it was too preachy. anyway, i enjoyed the director's last film immensly."

Buffoon: "cathleen turner has big fuckin' tits!"

Valedictorian: "yes, well, she recently had a child. i think her maternal biology may play a role in that. she looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?"

Buffoon: "i put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off."

Valedictorian: "well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process."

Buffoon: "that girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head."

Valedictorian: "well, i guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it."

[buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "this popcorn's fuckin' terrible. it tastes like someone jizzed all over it."
[buffoon continues to eat popcorn]

Valedictorian: "well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a
Dish prank."

Buffoon: "i looked at my asshole in the mirror today. it blew my fuckin' mind!"

Valedictorian: "it's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis.

Buffoon: "my father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!"

Valedictorian: "it's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. i wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolis
Ot;

Buffoon: "i'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
[gets out of the car]

Valedictorian: "well, i'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
[buffoon walking away]
"i do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue."

Buffoon: "i like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!"

Valedictorian: "bye bye! have fun."
[buffoon continues to walk away]