Toll Booth Willie by Adam Sandler

Performed by adam sandler, rob schneider, tim meadows, david spade, steve koren, tim herlihy, and margaret ruden

[car approaches]
Toll booth willie: "welcome to worchester. dollar twenty-five please."
M1: "hey, how ya doin' toll booth willie?"
Toll booth willie: "good! thanks fer askin, pop!"
M1: "aww, that's great, you know, considering yer a fuckin' idiot!"
[pays toll and drives off]
Toll booth willie: "go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! i'll come right outta the booth and fuckin' whack ya, you fuckin' prick!"

[another car approaches]
M2: "hey, hey, willie! hows it going?"
Toll booth willie: "hey, can't complain, pop. hows 'bout you?"
M2: "oh, great, great. how much?"
Toll booth willie: "the state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."
M2: "that's fine. now should i give you the money, or should i shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[pays toll and drives off]
Toll booth willie: "why you fuckin' hard on! i'll fucking carlton fisk yer fuckin' head with a louise-ville fuckin' slugger! whadya think of that ass fuck!?"

[another car approaches]
F1: "hi willie."
Toll booth willie: "oh, nice to see ya m'am. not a bad day, huh?"
F1: "well, i'm a little lost. could you help me out? i hear your the best with directions."
Toll booth willie: "well i know my way around new england. i can tell ya that much. so where ya headed?"
F1: "well, i was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive up your ass. you know, if you'd tell me, i'd appreciate it, you fuckin' prick."
[drives off]
Toll booth willie: "you fuckin' bitch! fuck you! you forgot to pay the fuckin' toll you dirty whore! i'll fuckin' drop you with a boot to the fuckin' skull you cum guzzling queen!"

[another car approaches]
M3: "hey willie."
Toll booth willie: "hey, how are ya?"
M3: "here's a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."
[pays toll and drives off]
Toll booth willie: "dah, you fuckin' prick! i hope you choke on a fuckin' bottle cap, ya fuckin' son of a fuck! eat shit! eat my shit!"

[another car approaches]
Bishop nelson: "hello willie. good to see you."
Toll booth willie: "ahhh, bishop nelson. nice to see ya. that was quite a sermon you had the other day."
Bishop nelson: "hey, well i do my best."
Toll booth willie: "dollar twenty-five, bishop."
Bishop nelson: "dollar twenty-five, willie. isn't that the same price your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog shit!?"
[pays toll and drives off]
Toll booth willie: "ohhh! have another one, you fuckin' lush! it's not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin' douche bag!"

[another car approaches]
M5: "hey!"
Toll booth willie: "well hey!"
M5: "yeah, do you want the money, or should i just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!?"
[pays toll and drives off]
Toll booth willie: "well, i already heard that one you fuckin' unoriginal bastard! go suck a corn you fuckin' piece of repeatin' shit!"

[another car approaches]
F2: "hi."
Toll booth willie: "oh, hi. how are ya?"
F2: "fine, thank you. how much is the toll please?"
Toll booth willie: "for you sweetheart, it's a dollar twenty-five."
F2: "here ya go."
[pays toll]
F2: "thank you."
[begins to drive off]
Toll booth willie: "hey! hey! honey! would you like a receipt with that?"
F2: "oh, i almost forgot. thank you so much."
[toll booth willie scribbling a receipt for her]
Toll booth willie: "and here ya are."
F2: "umm, do you think you could sign it?"
Toll booth willie: "oh, uh.. sign it?"
F2: "yeah, sign toll booth willie was here."
Toll booth willie: "ok, sure. uhh, by the way, what is this for?"
[signing receipt]
F2: "just so i could have proof for my friends that i met the biggest fuckin' dip shit with the smallest dick alive. you understand."
[drives off]
[crumples up paper]
Toll booth willie: "fuck you, you fuckin' upity bitch! i'll fuckin' fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your fuckin' mothers! you're gonna die, bitch! i'm comin' o
The booth!" [opens the door and runs out of the booth]

[car screeches and hits him]
Toll booth willie: "ooooh! my fuckin' leg!"
M6: "hey! you ran over toll booth willie!"
M7: "oh my god! i was always wondering what it would be like to run over a
Dried up stinky dick licker."
Toll booth willie: "why you fuckin' pricks. i fuckin' hear every fuckin' word yer saying! when this fuckin' leg heals, i'm gonna kick you guys new fuckin' assholes!

[everyone cussing eachother out]