I'll Repair For You (a Theme For Home Improvement) by Weird Al Yankovic

So you got dry rot and your water pressure's weak
Your trash compactor's broke, the roof has sprung a leak
You just found out your toilet's overflowed
And your smoke detector's smoking and your heater's gonna explode
But

I'll repair for you (when the roof starts to fall)
I'll repair for you (all the cracks in your wall)
I'll repair for you (every nail, bolt and screw)

Your washer's busted and your faucet drips all night
You got some termites with a healthy appetite
Well have no fear, i'll patch up every hole
And i'm licensed and i'm bonded, even se habla espanol
So

I'll repair for you (when your doorknob is loose)
I'll repair for you (when your plunger's no use)
I'll repair for you (with a caulk and hot glue)

I am prepared to tackle all kinds of paste and spackle
You got a leaky shower, i'll be there in an hour
With stucco, bricks and plaster, i am a jedi master
We'll help you through your crisis
Check out our low, low prices too, yeah

Your floors are sagging and your plumbing's shot
But if you don't mind my hairy butt crack every time that i squat

I'll repair for you, anything that you need
I'll repair for you, and my word's guaranteed
I'll repair for you, i'll rewire it too
I'll repair for you
I'll repair for you
I'll repair for you, every nail, bolt and screw