No Thugs In Our House (a Musical In Three Acts By Xtc) by Xtc

Cast of characters

Graham, a teenager
Mother, a busy housewife
Father, a conservative husband
Policeman, a young constable

Scene: a kitchen in suburbia, one bright saturday morning

Act one

Narrator: the insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
Line. her husband burns his paper, sucks his pipe while studying
Their cushion-floor, his viscous poly-paste breath comes out. their
Wall-paper world is shattered by his shout. a boy in blue is busy
Banging out a headache on the kitchen door. all the while graham
Slept on, dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted
To.

Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he'd be a good
Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we
Made little graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Act two

Narrator: the young policeman who just can't grow a moustache will
Open up his book, and spoil their breakfast with reports of asians who
Have been so badly kicked.

Policeman: is this your son's wallet i've got here? he must have
Dropped it after too much beer!

Mother: oh, officer, we can't believe our little angel is the one
You've picked.

Narrator: and all the while graham slept on, dreaming of a world
Where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he'd be a good
Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we
Made little graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Narrator: they never read those pamphlets in his bottom drawer.

Policeman: they never read that tattoo on his arm.

Narrator: they thought that was just a boys club badge he wore.

Policeman: they never thought he'd do folks any harm.

Act three

Narrator: the insect-headed worker-wife will hang her waspies on the
Line. she's singing something stale and simple now this business has
Fizzled out. her little tune is such a happy song. her son is
Innocent, he can't do wrong, 'cos dad's a judge and knows exactly what
The job of judging's all about. and all the while graham slept on,
Dreaming of a world where he could do just what he wanted to.

Mother and father (in unison): no thugs in our house, are there dear?
We made that clear, we made little graham promise us he'd be a good
Boy. no thugs in our house, are there dear? we made that clear, we
Made little graham promise us he'd be a good boy.

Mother: no thugs in our house!

Father: no thugs in our house!

Complete cast (in unison): no thugs in our house, dear!

Set design by andy partridge with co-ordination by ken ansell.
Stage and scenery by art dragon